Energizer Bunny?

What a day, what a day. It's been a marathon day for me, but I cannot complain - it was a good day!

It started at about 1am...or around there. It was pretty early and so I did not take the energy to commit the time to memory. Anyway - Liliana woke up. I kind of thought she would wake up when I put her down for bed because it was a little cooler in her room than normal. So, I put her in a potato sack, as we call them - and off to dream land we both went. Then around 2:30am began a back and forth to her room, with many attempts to try to get her to sleep through the rest of the night. She was not exactly fussy, just would not sleep and would cry if you were not in the room. Usually when she is teething she will not even let me hold her during the night, but she let me hold her alright! Which, is always cute, even early in the morning. But again, anyway...I gave her some Tylenol and put a space heater in the room and held her while the medicine did it's thing and the room warmed up a little.

4am - 2 hours of sleep remain, I crawl into bed and get all comfy cozy....and then it begins. The snoring from the husband. I ended up sleeping on the couch because I cannot stand the sound of snoring. It is this disgusting noise and any sound that is monotnous that I am not controlling drives me up a wall. It gets under my skin and just freaks me out. I am telling you - OCD!
Now I think I will just resort to a time line because it's faster and I'm tired and lazy.

6am - Get ready for work. Although what is annoying about sleeping on the couch is waking up in the morning. The second my feet hit the ground, Fizzle (our dog) comes out of the bedroom and just stands there and stares at me walking towards her. Then comes a certain point and she goes dog wild barking at me. It is ridiculous, I do not even say a word. This dog has issues.

6:30 - Head to my sister's to drop off Liliana.

7:30 - Work.

11:30ish - Head to Mom's to feed Liliana. While there I had some of the most fantastic cookies I think have ever melted in my mouth. Then had a sandwich for my lunch.

1pm - Liliana and I head over to a friend's house to sit with her for a while as she had a procedure done this morning.

4:15 - Head back over to Mom's to have dinner there to celebrate my Dad's birthday, which is today. We had a scrumptious dinner! I ate as if I had a bottomless pit to fill! In fact, after we were done eating, I said I could eat the whole meal over again right then and there - and this was before I had washed all the dinner dishes by hand because my parent's dishwasher is broken. Then I had a little birthday cake, and some more cookies!!!!!!!!

6:45 - Head home.

7 something - Feed Liliana, talk with the Hubby for a while, put Liliana to bed.

You would think that at this point, I would just meet my date for the evening - my bed. No. I proceed to go into straightening-up mode. I go through some clothes in Liliana's room and realize I really need to do some of her laundry - so I start laundry. I finish straightening up her room and empty and re-pack the diaper bag for tomorrow.

Worked on paying a few bills. Always a pleasure - as said dripping with sarcasim.

And now I have a load of laundry drying, and one washing. I am enjoying a glass of wine and looking forward to 10:17pm - the laundry should be done at 10:15pm and then I am collapsing into bed to hopefully sleep through the night just to get up at 6am. I am so thankful that tomorrow I only work half a day when I normally work a full day. I had plans to come home tomorrow and be productive, but I will probably just sit in front of the TV the whole day and night. Or, nap!

I might go read my book - but I will probably just fall asleep. I guess I will have to go eat some more cookies that my mom was so nice enough to send me home with! Mmmmmmmmm.....

Just a picture I took a little while back. Remember that when you have a marathon day, sometimes you need to slow down and enjoy it all!

'Man Things'

Alright, let's go there. I have to start by putting this all out there: I love my husband, I really do. He is a wonderful husband and I am blessed to be married to him. This post is not to knock my husband...it's more towards men in general.

With that said, let's talk about men. Some of these things will pertain to my husband specifically, some to husband's of my those I know, and honestly - I think most of these things will pertain to most any man because they are about...MEN.

Sometimes they make you walk away just shaking your head saying, or screaming in utter frustration, "MEN!!!"

Let's start with tonight and my husband. He is very smart. He knows a lot about computers. Sometimes when he starts talking about computers, my eyes glass over. I often just start moving my hand in the 'talking' motion and say, "blah, blah blah, blah blah." I have to tell him to put it in English. With that said...he is setting up a web page for me that will be http://www.aplaceofcandor.com, in which I promise that once it is up and running there will not be a change in web address ever again! (Right now it's just forwarded to this blog.) He was trying to set it up for me tonight. He was asking all sorts of questions and not liking my answers. Apparently, I was not answering his questions and wanted something that could not be done. That's because when I told him about how he was explaining everything, he wasn't listening to me. Anyway, we tried it again and I told him he was starting at Z and jumping to every letting in between to get to A. He got it then, finally. It took, literally - 1 minute to answer his questions because he figured it out - where I was coming from. Splendid. Take note that I was the one who had to re-word what I was saying so he could understand.

Here is 'man thing' #1 - they don't freaking listen. They say they do, but they don't. They don't. If they did, they would understand the words that we say.

Here is one difference between men and women - or least between Evan and I. I say what I mean. There is no trying to guess what I mean after I say something. Although he sure tries and it doesn't get him very far. He speaks and then when I take it at face value and get upset by what he said, he goes..."that's not what I meant, I meant...." THEN SAY THAT THE FIRST TIME!!!

Evan is very diligent about doing the dishes, and I am appreciative of this. Especially after almost 6 years he has come to appreciate the luxury of doing the dishes right after dinner, instead of leaving them there for a later time. How can you go and relax when you know you have a pile of dishes just waiting to be done? As of lately, he has mastered doing the dishes at night - solely for my sake. I do not like going to bed and then waking up with dishes in the sink. He would always tell me he would do them in the morning, but getting up in the morning is hard to do and so that leaves little time for dishes! Which leads me to:

'Man thing' #2 - There is more to the kitchen than just the dishes. Counters can be cleared off and wiped down. The stove top, you know - where you cook and splash nastiness all over...needs to be cleaned. (partial disclaimer: our tea pot sits out on the stove and therefore gets very dirty. He takes the time...well so do I...he is actually able to scrub it clean and he does this on his own free will without me asking him to do this)

A few weeks ago I did the laundry. Evan came into the bedroom and said, "thanks for doing my clothes." Look honey, if you can't get them in the hamper - they are not going to get washed. How hard is it to take your clothes and put them in the hamper instead of dropping them on the floor? Then he had the nerve to tell me I did not wash them. I got him good though, I asked, "did you know I was doing laundry?" His reply, "yes." My next question, "did you know you had clothes that needed to be washed that were not in the hamper?" His sheepish answer, "maayyyybeeee." HA.

'Man thing' #3 - Your clothes go in the hamper. NOT strewn on the floor. NOT stuffed under the bed. NOT thrown into the closet or some little nook you may have found. The hamper - you know, that thing with all of our dirty clothes? Same one!
and
'Man thing' #4 - They try to argue with a woman. That, my male friends - is foolishness. (don't try to argue this point)

All this said, we still love them...and they do the best job at driving us nuts!

(the picture is of Evan and I this past Sunday at Great America in one of those photo booths!)

Also - thank you to all the men who give me such inspiration to have written this! You made it so easy for me.

Baby Smell

How is it that babies have this distinct baby smell? You know the smell...it's the one where you just keep breathing in deep, hoping it never disappears...knowing one day soon, there will no longer be that baby smell to accompany your sweet, sweet baby. Before Liliana was even born, I would walk into the nursery and open the dresser draws to add even more clothes - and I would get a whiff of that sweet baby smell. Sometimes when I get into the car, even if she isn't in the car with me - I smell it.

Tonight I walked into her room and it was there. I just stood there and breathed deep as she slept so peacefully. Even when walking by her room, it seeps out into the hallway. What is it? It's not the baby lotion smell, it's the baby smell. It's not a clean smell, it's the baby smell. I just want to bottle it and keep it forever. I know that one day I will walk into her room, and it won't be there. It will probably smell like dirty socks or something just as gross! :)

For now, I'm content to enjoy the baby smell as often as I can...ignoring the knowledge I have that it will be gone just as quickly as she will grow up.

This is one of my favorite pictures - I think it's so cute when she rubs her eyes with the back of her hands when she's tired.

Getting to know me...

Since changing the name of my blog, I feel I have some more creative room to explore different topics - and not just the happenings of our family. Have no fear, those stories will never be far! Maybe I'll touch on marriage, mommyhood, and men.

Let's get down to business and just start with me, my story. I figure, if you're going to ready my views and opinions - you should know where I come from first.

I grew up in a Christian family, a dad - a mom - an older sister - a dog - and some other random pets through the years. I went to a Lutheran church all through high school and into college. I also attended the Lutheran school, preschool through 8th grade and then went to a Christian high school. From there I want to a Lutheran college as well.

I don't have that defining moment in my life where I remember accepting Christ in my heart - I was just always a Christian. It's how I grew up, it's what I knew. We had religion in school - we studyied from a religion book. I have good memories, and even better friends from my time in grade school.

High school - a lot of changes for me. We started our school day off with devotions and prayer. We had chapel now twice a week. It was a different environment for me. A friend invited me freshman year to a youth group at a non-denominational church. I went a few times here and there. It wasn't until sophomore year that I started attending this youth group on a regular basis. I made friends there and even starting going to Sunday night church at this non-denominational church with my friends. Throughout high school - youth group became a part of who I was and what I did, all the time. They taught me from the Bible, they taught me to read the Bible...or maybe better put - I got it, I needed to study the Bible on my own. I was to be reading the Word on my own and not just leave it to my teachers to read to me, or my youth pastor. I started dating this guy pretty seriously and at one point, the question came up that if we were to get married, I'd have to make a decision - Lutheran or not. It was put on the back burner.

College led me into a whole new world of experiences and lessons to be learned. I went in to study and become a Director of Christian Education - DCE. Basically I would be working in a church leading the youth of the church. I had so much fun in college, socially! :) Met some more good friends, tried new things - like getting on T Staff (focused on the transfer students) in which we put on these shows for new students and I would go into more, but I don't want the questions. Nor do I want the videos to surface! At the end of the first year, my grades had slipped low enough that I couldn't return to living on campus, so the commuting began. This was also the year that actual classes started and not just gen-ed classes...this led to some questioning. Questions about if I was really cut out for school (which I later found out clearly, I am not a school person) I had questions about the school I was going to in the way they ran things, a little contradictory to their teachings. I saw their point to an extent - a business point of view. My heart was not able to follow through. College ended after only a year and a half.

Mom was looking out for me and it was time to get a full time job and get some health insurance, since I was no longer a student and therefore no longer on their insurance. That's when I ended up working in a doctor's office at the front desk. Never did I think that 9 years later I would still be doing this type of work, but I really enjoy it.

Let's go back to that boy I was dating - we were "that" couple in the youth group. The couple that was going to get married...no, we weren't engaged. We were just "that" couple, and you know what I'm talking about. Although, I didn't realize we were "that" couple until after high school. Anyway - at one point we broke up for a while. I don't remember the exact time line anymore - I was in college when we broke up. Then I believe it was while I was working that we got back together. When that ended, I went out on a few dates here and there - but nothing serious. I'm of the firm belief that if you find you know you are not going to marry the person you are dating, then stop dating that person.

There came a point where I just told the Lord I would be single the rest of my life and that was ok with me. I said that being married isn't our purpose here on earth, it was just a blessing and so I would focus on doing what He wanted me to do and that was fine. A month later, I was leaving a friend's wedding telling God I didn't understand. I told Him "I just said I am fine with not getting married and now you put this guy in front of me." I basically knew the night I met Evan that we were going to be married. And this June we will be celebrating 6 years of marriage!

But, part of getting to the point of us getting married - came that question again. Lutheran or not? Evan was non-denominational, I wasn't attending the Lutheran church - but was still Lutheran by word and beliefs on some topics. If I was going to stay a Lutheran, we wouldn't get married. Thus began my quest for knowledge and truth. I went to the Lutheran pastor and asked him to show me IN THE BIBLE how they got some of their doctrine and either he couldn't do it on some topics, or he took things out of context. That was enough for me to no longer be Lutheran. Next, I went to the non-denominational pastor and asked him the same questions and made sure he showed me IN THE BIBLE...and he could. I then continued to pray and pray about it and finally made the switch from Lutheran to non-denominational, Bible believing. I made my faith, my own.

Here is a little internet splurb on Lutheran: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lutheran
and on non-denominational: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non-denominational

At first, this wasn't received well by my family and some of my friends, however they all supported me. (Although not without some of our own heated discussions on these topics, such as communion and baptism) I am not saying it would be easy for my parents when I come home one day and tell them I am no longer going to be Lutheran, and on top of that I am getting baptized again. I didn't do it to go against them or hurt them, I had to do it for me. They had their questions. I am so happy that today I can say I believe what I believe because it's mine. It's not because I grew up with it and so it's what I know. It's not because it's what my husband believes. It's what I believe. I prayed, I asked God to show me, I asked the questions, I did the seeking and it was my decision. I think that says a lot about my parents too, because the Bible talks about raising your children - as I believe I referenced a passage in one of my previous blogs about what the Bible says in raising your children...Proverbs 22:6. If my parents didn't raise me according this, I wouldn't have made my faith my own.

Let me be sure to say this: denominations don't claim you as Christ's own. Being non-denominational doesn't make me a Christian. Being Lutheran didn't make me a Christian. To be written in the Book of Life there are three R's - Recognize, Repent, and Receive. Recognize that you are a sinner and that you can do no good without Christ in your life. Repent of your sins. Receive Him...the gift of salvation, His dying on the cross to save us from our sin to live eternally with Him.

So here I am - a Christian attending an Evangelical church and when asked what denomination I am, I say non-denominational - just Bible believing. I work full time in a doctor's office doing front desk work. I have been married to Evan for almost 6 years. We have a son, Elijah, in Heaven already as I miscarried in 2006 when I was 10 weeks along. We have a beautiful daughter, Liliana, who is currently 8 months. We do plan to have more children. We live for Him and He takes care of us. I am a new creation in Him (2 Corinthians 5:17) looking to serve Him the best I can.

A little more about me: I don't spell well. I never got the whole grammar thing down, in fact - eveyone tells me I write the same way I talk. I can ramble on with the best of them. I can sleep until 2pm without any problems! I am not good at picking up the phone and calling people. I'm a card/letter person! Pictures, pictures, and more pictures - I need a room of my own to just plaster with pictures, there wouldn't be one bare spot on the walls! Bike riding - something I remember doing with my dad all the time and despite all my rotten, terrible, painful falls - I still look forward to riding my bike! I have a goal of being able to do 9 pull ups by the end of '09. I can do none currently. I have worn contacts for the longest time, and over the past few months - I've gone with the glasses! I have 6 piercings. I have 4 tattoos, but have been tattooed 5 times. There is nothing like short hair. Growing up, I wanted to be a pharmacist. Cats scare me. I absolutely do not like spiders - I just stand and point to them and say "BUG" and then Evan comes and kills it. I have done very little big things (if that made sense) without someone's approval as I went from getting permission from my parent's - do discussing things with my husband. The one thing I did on my own, pierce my belly button. I shave my legs almost every day and I do not use any shave gel. Lotion is a must after a shower, and not just on my legs. I have terrible, rotting teeth - no joke here. I have friends from pre-school. I need to go to sleep.

Readers, thanks for reading. I wish you a wonderful night! Until the next time, I leave you with a picture of my two tooth baby girl!

And by the way, if you're wondering - our purpose here on earth is to glorify God. There is a lot that goes into that, but that's our purpose.

Chewies? Taggies? Strange!

My mom told me that the Gosselin children from the well known TV show Jon & Kate Plus 8 have "Chewies" - these would be their little security blankets that they carry around, and often chew on. Hence the name. Liliana would fit right in with the Gosselin's. Here is one of the first times she started this, although she doesn't chew on it - she just stuffs it in her mouth.

Her latest thing is to put 1 of 3 objects in her mouth and then continue on with playing. It could be putting her paci in backwards, her burpcloth, or a specific little triangle toy. Here she is with all three in hand! Too bad they don't all fit in her mouth at once, she'd be so happy!

And here she is with her favorite little triangle while trying to get Fizzle. By the time she's done playing with her triangle - it needs to be wrung out from all her drool!

I told my sister that I was thinking of making a little blanket that Liliana could have all the time, instead of whatever burpcloth we are using at the moment. She mentioned Taggies - we have a bib and a toy by this company. Genious!!! I went online and ordered up a Taggies blankie for my Lili! (It was a bit more than I should have spent on something like this, but...it's cute, it's a blanket - of which we all know my fetish with blankets - it's personalized, and I had some birthday money to put towards it!)

So, it came yesterday. Of course I had to wash it and so I got to give it to her today - the first few "chews" were a bit of a surprise to her and warranted a few grimaces and shakes. She finally warmed up to it though.

The Taggies Blankie

So now - do I call these things Chewies, Taggies...or what? It is very strange to walk around the corner and see my daughter with a blanket hanging out of her mouth - but also the cutest thing ever!!!

She dropped it from her mouth and was so happy it just covered her up!

Capable Hands

Whose hands are capable of holding my daughter? When someone holds Liliana, I look at them - at their hands holding my baby girl. I waited so long for her, and she is my everything, and so fragile. I wonder, as they hold her - if they are capable of holding her. I know her. I know her movements. I know her attitude. I know my hands are capable. I'm the mom. My heart is in it.


Sometimes I think people just want to hold her because she's baby - sometimes I'm surprised at who volunteers or asks to hold her. And as they hold her, they have the moment to influence my daughter in some way. I her led down the right path - but I know that starts at home. That starts with Evan and me. Proverbs 22:6 talks about this. I know I can't guard her from every evil thing and I know I can't protect her forever - but I can sure try.

I trust my family. (most of them anyway!) :) Of course I trust Evan. Then there are others who want to hold her. Sometimes even close friends I question, even though I would trust them with my life. But this isn't my life - it's Liliana's life.

Ultimately, it is the Lord who holds Liliana. She is not mine, she is His. I know that as she grows, I can't hold on to her - she'll want to move and explore. She'll grow even older and want to leave the house on her own. Then she'll go to college, then want to get married. I am so thankful for the time that I get to hold her. I'm even more thankful that she IS the Lord's and that it is He who ultimately watches over her and protects and guides her. Daily I give her over to the Lord - He gave her to me...and I need to be willing to give her back to Him. I know the Lord has amazing things planned for her.

So, whose hands could be better than His? I'd like to say mine, but I know that my hands are the ones He chose to hold this beautiful baby girl's life while she is here on earth. And only His hands are capable of holding her.

This was just the other day. I picked her up from her nap and she stayed sleeping like this for several minutes. Crazy little baby. And I would trust no one else to hold my baby this way.

29

Yep, today I'm 29. Hard to believe, maybe not for you - but for me. And yet, not hard to believe. It's been a good day. I don't believe in working on your birthday - so I took the day off. Liliana and I had a lazy morning and then a friend took me out to lunch...really, I think she just wanted to see Liliana! :) Then we went to where we use to work together to visit everyone. Came home and Evan brought dinner home. Had a nice relaxing evening and here I am. What all can I say about being 29, how about 29 random things, some reflections if you will:

1. I've learned what hairstyle I should have and I'm not going to change it again anytime soon - maybe the color. But that's all. I feel like myself.

2. I've learned to find my identity in Christ alone.

3. I've learned my relationship with God is my own and I am responsible for it. I had to make my faith and my beliefs my own, and now I need to build my relationship with God as I do with my husband or best friend - it takes time, effort, good times and tough times, passion and love.

4. I've learned there are only a handful of friends around me that will last a lifetime that I can trust my life with.

5. I've learned, and I know my family will always be there for me.

6. I've experienced love in a brand new way since having Liliana.

7. I'm striving each day to become a Proverbs 31 woman - and that, I believe, is just partly what a Proverbs 31 woman is - continually seeking to become that.

8. I've learned you have to stick up for yourself and those you love.

9. I am actually reading books, for my own pleasure - strange.

10. I became anal (sorry, best word to describe it) in college. I went home for break and came back changed. Don't know what happened.

11. I am organized and like to organize things. (Tupperware bins are a splendid organizing tool!)

12. Writing is a lost art. Writing letters is almost unheard of. The internet can be so impersonal and is often used for personal things at the wrong time.

13. I believe that I could truly be diagnosed with OCD - not to an extreme form - but I have it. There are things I do that consist with the nature of someone who has OCD that people don't see and therefore think I am kidding when I say this.

14. I don't complain about the seasons because I find each of them beautiful, a work of God's Hands - a change of pace...and I'm choosing to live where we have seasons.

15. I am an optimistic to the core.

16. The Lord has provided for me countless times. (Yet, when the same situation arises...I worry again knowing He always took care of it. Lesson to be learned here???)

17. I'm not going to lie, I don't want to be a working mom. I just want to be a mom. But, I'm thankful to have a job that allows me to help provide for my family.

18. I never thought I would enjoy being a mom as much as I do. Now, to master it.

19. I don't know why I'm waiting to follow through on what I believe the Lord is calling me to do, maybe it's laziness. Maybe it's not quite sure how to go about doing it. Maybe it's the unknown. I guess, without making excuses, it's plain disobedience. And part of not following through - is not telling what it is I think He's calling me to do.

20. I believe the Lord has given me a special gift that I'm not always sure I want. I'm not even sure why He's given it to ME. Sometimes I don't know what to do with it. Either way, when the Spirit speaks, I've learned to listen and respond. (still, I am a sinner and don't always do this)

21. Women are lucky - Our husband's are our best friends, and then we have our girlfriends who are our best friends too! (how else could we put up with our husbands!?)

22. I'm trying to figure out what I would have to blog about for people who don't know me, to read my blog on a daily basis.

23. My daughter is the luckiest baby there is, surrounded by so many people who love her and who will always be there for her. People who are praying for her. And because she spends 5 out of 7 days with family. She'll be close to her cousins, hopefully they will be her best friends. And I believe her Auntie can teach her so much more than I can! (she is a teacher, and she has 3 of the smartest kids I know!)

24. My daughter has taught me more about myself in the past 8 months (without speaking a word) than some people who talk to me.

25. Isaiah 40:31. A favorite Bible verse of mine. Go read it for yourself. In a Bible. It's good to actually open His Word and read it for yourself!

26. I'm 29 and am content. The Lord has given me so much to be thankful for, so many blessings. I probably don't even see all the blessings He has laid out for me.

27. I still feel like I'm a little kid - a teenager, not an adult.

28. Even when I think I'm going to be late - I end up on time, go figure. It is as if I cannot be late. (even though it has and does happen!)

29. I am the Lord's, and that is really all that really matters.

Me & Liliana taken about a week ago