3 years ago today I was having surgery. No surgery is fun. This surgery was one I never thought I would have. I was having a D&C because I miscarried my first pregnancy - Elijah Gabriel. I can't believe it's been three years. We chose that name because of the meanings: Elijah means the Lord is God and Gabriel means God is my strength.
The Lord is God: He is sovereign. He knows what is best. We found comfort in knowing that.
God is my strength: We would need His strength to get through loosing a child that we were never able to hold, or ever would be able to hold here on earth.
So, maybe you are asking where the blessing is in loosing Elijah? There are so many - and probably more that we don't even know about or can't even see, or maybe only time will tell. I just think about the path the Lord takes us down and we see Him working through that situation, sometimes even 3 years down the road. I looked at Liliana today and thought - 3 years ago we were only thinking about our loss. Today, I am holding our beautiful, perfect little girl. My daughter. Lately, I've been thinking about if we would have had Elijah, would we have had Liliana? Yes, we probably would have had more children...but would it be Liliana? Would it have been this time in our lives? Would SHE be who SHE is at THIS time, if Elijah were here? I believe the biggest blessing of loosing Elijah, is having Liliana.
I'm not making light of loosing a child. I'm not saying I would rather have Liliana over Elijah - but since I can't have Elijah, for whatever reason the Lord had in taking him Home, the Lord blessed us with Liliana.
What blessings are we not seeing day to day because we are too focused on what else is going on? Just a few weeks ago my sister's family was passing around the flu and strep throat - which meant no babysitter for Liliana...in turn - Evan or I had to stay home to watch her. Evan and I took turns calling off work to take care of her. The second week, I took off 3 days - 2 of the days were Thursday and Friday so I had a four day weekend to spend with her. I don't wish my sister's family to be sick...but the blessings of being able to stay home with Liliana during that time was wonderful! I could have missed that blessing of time to spend with her if, I had been focusing on having to call into work and potentially getting in trouble, or I could have been mad that we had no one to watch her (of course I'm not mad at my sister or her family, I felt bad they were so sick) But I chose to focus on what was right in front of me.
The Lord wants to bless us and continually does - I just think we get to caught up in the world to see the blessings.
There is a song that was played for me a while after I miscarried and it really healed a layer of my heart:
It's called Glory Baby and it's by Watermark...if you scroll to the bottom of my blog - there is a section with music, if you want to hear this song - it's on that playlist!
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Day 17
My friend and I are going through a 39 day devotional by David Nasser called A Call To Grace. It's an excellent devotional - for many reasons. I "get something" out of each devotion. However, Day 17 was really good. So here it is (& hopefully I'm not breaking some law or something by doing this):
Parachute
In Ray Comfort's book, Hell's Best Kept Secret, Ray uses an illustration that I want to loosely share with you because it makes a great and very clear point. I believe the story goes something like this...
A man was sitting on an airplane. Unknown to the passengers, a terrorist hijacks the plane and it is about to crash. Halfway into the trip while high up in the sky, the flight attendant walks over to the man with a parachute in her hand. She asks him to put it on immediately. "Why should I put the parachute on?" asks the man.
"Because it will help make your trip more enjoyable," the flight attendant replies. "Plus others are putting it on, and you don't want to be one of the only people that doesn't have one on. Also, you never know what might happen during the flight, and if the plane goes down, it will come in hand."
So there the man sits trying to find a comfortable position in his seat, all the while wearing this parachute strapped tightly to his back. He sees other passengers who are not wearing their parachutes. They seem to be enjoying the flight, easily finding comfortable positions in their seats, even taking naps, while the man feels foolish with his on. In fact, some people sitting around him begin to point and giggle, and the woman sitting directly to his right frowns and firmly pushes his parachute off her side of the seat. Other passengers seem to only trust the parachutes they can construct and the gentleman across the aisle is frantically trying to tape together little drink napkins to create his own.
The man begins to think to himself, "The flight attendant lied to me. Not only am I not enjoying this, but there are plenty of people who are not wearing parachutes and they seem to be having a great time. I am sitting here looking like a fool. What are the chances of the flight going down anyway...?"
Picture another scenario:
The same man is on the same plane. The same flight attendant walks over to his seat and offers him a parachute. This time however, when he asks the attendant why he should put it on, her answer is very different. "Our flight has just been hijacked by a terrorist. We are about to crash!!!" At that moment the parachute becomes a welcomed piece of equipment. Suddenly, not only does the man not care that the parachute is uncomfortable, he cares even less about how foolish he looks wearing it. He wonders why other passengers are continuing to refuse parachutes, and he frantically tries to convince them to strap theirs on. The comfort of the passenger takes a back seat to the life and death situation on the plane.
Now let's connect the dots. In this illustration, Satan is the terrorist who hijacks the plane, while the flight attendant is anyone who offers the Gospel to a lost person. Of course the passenger is you, and the parachute is Christ, who is our only hope for salvation. Notice that in the first scenario, the flight attendant fails to give the complete, truthful reason why the parachute must be put on. In order to keep the flight "enjoyable," she is withholding a crucial piece of information - the plan is going to crash. Notice the man was shoved by the woman to his right and laughed at by the other passengers. This represents the persecution and misunderstandings of our convictions bleeding over into another's personal space. Just as the gentleman across the aisle was taping together the drink napkins, often we try to piece together our good works in a pathetic attempt to build our own salvation which will do nothing but take us to our certain death.
The main purpose of this illustration, birthed out of Ray Comfort's book, is to make us understand truth. Without Christ as our salvation, our life is a fatal crash landing. It's not that we put on Christ so that He can make our lives here on earth (the plane ride) easier or more comfortable. In fact, to live in Christ means to look foolish in the eyes of the world. I Corinthians 1:18 reads, "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but for us who are being saved, it is the power of God."
In the plane ride of life, to understand that mankind is headed for certain destruction is to put great value on the parachute. Tragically, many people today reject the parachute for a comfier ride, distracting themselves with the stale peanuts and B-rated movies of life. It might even be that the flight attendant, with misguided intentions, is keeping the truth of the destruction of the plane a secret in order to allow the passengers to enjoy the rest of the ride. However, for the flight attendant to be honest, despite the reaction of the passengers, is for her to be truthful and loving. I pray that we as Christians are not the kind of "flight attendants" who are trying to win a popularity contest on the plane of life.
In all reality, Ephesians 2:1-10, much like Ray's book, is trying to bring honor and glory to the "parachute." Paul does this beautifully by making sure we understand that without Christ we're going to hell. So then when he tells us that together with Christ we are saved, we are ready to embrace the "parachute."
It would be very appropriate at this moment to ask you a simple question: "Are you together with Christ?" Do you have on the parachute of life? Is Jesus Christ your Lord and your Savior? If, under the conviction of the Holy Spirit, you sense Him calling you from eternal death to eternal life, then I say come and embrace Jesus, the Savior. Acknowledge that you're a sinner and that there's nothing you can do on your own to save yourself. Recognize that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, lived the perfect life on earth, yet willingly died a sinner's death on the cross. It was on that cross that He paid the debt for our sin. Abandon all you've done, not just the bad stuff, but even your self-righteous good acts. Bring all of it completely before Jesus and ask for forgiveness and peace. He will change your nature - not just your behavior, but your identity.
"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I know live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me" Galatians 2:20
Parachute
In Ray Comfort's book, Hell's Best Kept Secret, Ray uses an illustration that I want to loosely share with you because it makes a great and very clear point. I believe the story goes something like this...
A man was sitting on an airplane. Unknown to the passengers, a terrorist hijacks the plane and it is about to crash. Halfway into the trip while high up in the sky, the flight attendant walks over to the man with a parachute in her hand. She asks him to put it on immediately. "Why should I put the parachute on?" asks the man.
"Because it will help make your trip more enjoyable," the flight attendant replies. "Plus others are putting it on, and you don't want to be one of the only people that doesn't have one on. Also, you never know what might happen during the flight, and if the plane goes down, it will come in hand."
So there the man sits trying to find a comfortable position in his seat, all the while wearing this parachute strapped tightly to his back. He sees other passengers who are not wearing their parachutes. They seem to be enjoying the flight, easily finding comfortable positions in their seats, even taking naps, while the man feels foolish with his on. In fact, some people sitting around him begin to point and giggle, and the woman sitting directly to his right frowns and firmly pushes his parachute off her side of the seat. Other passengers seem to only trust the parachutes they can construct and the gentleman across the aisle is frantically trying to tape together little drink napkins to create his own.
The man begins to think to himself, "The flight attendant lied to me. Not only am I not enjoying this, but there are plenty of people who are not wearing parachutes and they seem to be having a great time. I am sitting here looking like a fool. What are the chances of the flight going down anyway...?"
Picture another scenario:
The same man is on the same plane. The same flight attendant walks over to his seat and offers him a parachute. This time however, when he asks the attendant why he should put it on, her answer is very different. "Our flight has just been hijacked by a terrorist. We are about to crash!!!" At that moment the parachute becomes a welcomed piece of equipment. Suddenly, not only does the man not care that the parachute is uncomfortable, he cares even less about how foolish he looks wearing it. He wonders why other passengers are continuing to refuse parachutes, and he frantically tries to convince them to strap theirs on. The comfort of the passenger takes a back seat to the life and death situation on the plane.
Now let's connect the dots. In this illustration, Satan is the terrorist who hijacks the plane, while the flight attendant is anyone who offers the Gospel to a lost person. Of course the passenger is you, and the parachute is Christ, who is our only hope for salvation. Notice that in the first scenario, the flight attendant fails to give the complete, truthful reason why the parachute must be put on. In order to keep the flight "enjoyable," she is withholding a crucial piece of information - the plan is going to crash. Notice the man was shoved by the woman to his right and laughed at by the other passengers. This represents the persecution and misunderstandings of our convictions bleeding over into another's personal space. Just as the gentleman across the aisle was taping together the drink napkins, often we try to piece together our good works in a pathetic attempt to build our own salvation which will do nothing but take us to our certain death.
The main purpose of this illustration, birthed out of Ray Comfort's book, is to make us understand truth. Without Christ as our salvation, our life is a fatal crash landing. It's not that we put on Christ so that He can make our lives here on earth (the plane ride) easier or more comfortable. In fact, to live in Christ means to look foolish in the eyes of the world. I Corinthians 1:18 reads, "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but for us who are being saved, it is the power of God."
In the plane ride of life, to understand that mankind is headed for certain destruction is to put great value on the parachute. Tragically, many people today reject the parachute for a comfier ride, distracting themselves with the stale peanuts and B-rated movies of life. It might even be that the flight attendant, with misguided intentions, is keeping the truth of the destruction of the plane a secret in order to allow the passengers to enjoy the rest of the ride. However, for the flight attendant to be honest, despite the reaction of the passengers, is for her to be truthful and loving. I pray that we as Christians are not the kind of "flight attendants" who are trying to win a popularity contest on the plane of life.
In all reality, Ephesians 2:1-10, much like Ray's book, is trying to bring honor and glory to the "parachute." Paul does this beautifully by making sure we understand that without Christ we're going to hell. So then when he tells us that together with Christ we are saved, we are ready to embrace the "parachute."
It would be very appropriate at this moment to ask you a simple question: "Are you together with Christ?" Do you have on the parachute of life? Is Jesus Christ your Lord and your Savior? If, under the conviction of the Holy Spirit, you sense Him calling you from eternal death to eternal life, then I say come and embrace Jesus, the Savior. Acknowledge that you're a sinner and that there's nothing you can do on your own to save yourself. Recognize that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, lived the perfect life on earth, yet willingly died a sinner's death on the cross. It was on that cross that He paid the debt for our sin. Abandon all you've done, not just the bad stuff, but even your self-righteous good acts. Bring all of it completely before Jesus and ask for forgiveness and peace. He will change your nature - not just your behavior, but your identity.
"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I know live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me" Galatians 2:20
Thursday, March 26, 2009
A whirlwind of a day...
I should have woken up between 6:30 and 6:45 this morning. Thursdays seem to be the hardest morning to wake up on time. I haven't quite figured out why this is. Maybe because I think I have some lead way in time...when really, I do not. Either way, I woke up at 6:51am. I did my normal routine of checking e mail and facebook status updates via my phone. (Yes, I'm addicted...this I know. Actually, honestly...I think it's more my nature to be completely consistent - and, it gives me just a little extra time in bed mentally preparing to get out of bed) Finally get out of bed and take a shower. Liliana has been up since 7 talking to herself in her crib. Now I'm out of the shower and Liliana is much more vocal and unhappy being left alone. So, I sit her in the doorway of her room so she can see me getting ready and I can watch her. Then I pack everything up and out the door we go. We probably should have left at 7:45, but we left maybe 7:55.
Get to my sister's and we are good on time. THEN, I proceed to talk to my sister and get all involved and I walk out to the car and realize it is 8:44am. I am never going to make it to the Downers Grove office by 9. But, I start my valiant effort. It's 8:51am and I am about a minute and a half away from the Oakbrook office (where I work every day except Thursday mornings) and still about 10-13 minutes (or more) from Downers. My phone rings. It's my co-worker asking if we wanted to switch offices...her go to Downers from Oakbrook right this minute and I'll just go to Oakbrook. GREAT!!! So she says she'll ask our boss and call me back. Now I'm really close to the Oakbrook office and just waiting for her call back. I need to know if I'm turning right or left, slowing down or picking up the pace. She calls just in time and says she's going to Downers. YAY. So, not only did I get to work in Oakbrook today, all day - I was on time to work.
THEN, I get an e mail from the OSHA trainer that she schedule me for OSHA in April. I e mail her back and tell her I cannot make that training. She calls me at like 10:41 and tells me she is having a training today in Naperville at 11:30, or the next one is a few weeks away. I ask my boss and off I am to Naperville to make it there by 11:30 - which I did with no problem!
I was then back to Oakbrook for the afternoon shift. Nothing too eventful, just a bogus phone call from another office, someone asking me to write bigger. Big surprise there. If only I wrote sloppy, no one would ask me to write neater. Apparently, people think when you write small you are doing it purposefully or that it's not actually how you write - I don't know what the thought process is behind all that. And here's the dumbest part - I write a date, time and office location on these orders - same order, same place every time. AND...drum roll - it's just the information that comes from the computer system that they also have access to. Amazing.
Tonight was pretty uneventful - tonight was night 2 of crying it out. I put her down at 7:30 and she started to cry and I walked out and closed the door and was waiting for 7:40 to go and check on her, but she fell asleep before that! So, either she was exhausted from being at Auntie Sandy's house - or it's working!!! :)
Then I watched some TV and I actually came in here to check e mail and go to bed, but found myself blogging. Imagine that - a routine has begun for me.....check e mail, check facebook, blog, go to bed. That's where I am now - checked the e mail, checked facebook....ending the blog and going to bed. (Just have to find a picture to post!)
Liliana - 7 months
Get to my sister's and we are good on time. THEN, I proceed to talk to my sister and get all involved and I walk out to the car and realize it is 8:44am. I am never going to make it to the Downers Grove office by 9. But, I start my valiant effort. It's 8:51am and I am about a minute and a half away from the Oakbrook office (where I work every day except Thursday mornings) and still about 10-13 minutes (or more) from Downers. My phone rings. It's my co-worker asking if we wanted to switch offices...her go to Downers from Oakbrook right this minute and I'll just go to Oakbrook. GREAT!!! So she says she'll ask our boss and call me back. Now I'm really close to the Oakbrook office and just waiting for her call back. I need to know if I'm turning right or left, slowing down or picking up the pace. She calls just in time and says she's going to Downers. YAY. So, not only did I get to work in Oakbrook today, all day - I was on time to work.
THEN, I get an e mail from the OSHA trainer that she schedule me for OSHA in April. I e mail her back and tell her I cannot make that training. She calls me at like 10:41 and tells me she is having a training today in Naperville at 11:30, or the next one is a few weeks away. I ask my boss and off I am to Naperville to make it there by 11:30 - which I did with no problem!
I was then back to Oakbrook for the afternoon shift. Nothing too eventful, just a bogus phone call from another office, someone asking me to write bigger. Big surprise there. If only I wrote sloppy, no one would ask me to write neater. Apparently, people think when you write small you are doing it purposefully or that it's not actually how you write - I don't know what the thought process is behind all that. And here's the dumbest part - I write a date, time and office location on these orders - same order, same place every time. AND...drum roll - it's just the information that comes from the computer system that they also have access to. Amazing.
Tonight was pretty uneventful - tonight was night 2 of crying it out. I put her down at 7:30 and she started to cry and I walked out and closed the door and was waiting for 7:40 to go and check on her, but she fell asleep before that! So, either she was exhausted from being at Auntie Sandy's house - or it's working!!! :)
Then I watched some TV and I actually came in here to check e mail and go to bed, but found myself blogging. Imagine that - a routine has begun for me.....check e mail, check facebook, blog, go to bed. That's where I am now - checked the e mail, checked facebook....ending the blog and going to bed. (Just have to find a picture to post!)
OH - almost forgot. You can play pacman at the bottom of my blog! You can just use the arrow keys and when the game starts, you can press M for mute, if you so choose.
Liliana - 7 months
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
A bath for two?
This is Liliana's bathtub. Wonderful, cute little bathtub. It even quacks when you squeeze the beak!
Tonight was bath night. The duck goes in the tub. Liliana goes in the duck that's in the tub. And bath time goes smoothly, especially now that she can sit up on her own. It's actually a much easier time for me! Tonight however, held a new scenario.
I take her out of the bath and wrap her in her towel. I then try to empty the duck tub with one hand while still kneeling/sitting on the floor. As I have the duck almost straight up and down, I can't quite get the last bit of water out. I thought it was because the water was too heavy in the bottom little section and so the tub was just bending but not tilting enough to get the water out. So I work quite hard to get this emptied. (Why I couldn't just come back to it later when I had both hands, I don't know) Anyway, in a split second I'm drenched with water. I failed to remember that the tub has a suction cup so when you are done, you can hang it to dry and for storage. That same handy little suction cup, of course, got suction cupped to the bottom of the tub. And as I tried and tried to empty the water and dumb the tub over - the suction let loose and the water ended up on me!!!
Next on the agenda...letting her cry it out! You see, Liliana has slept through the night since about 8 weeks, and went to bed without problems! THEN, she started to roll. Her legs would get all twisted in the bars and she would get all worked up and I would hold her and rock her back to sleep. Then she wouldn't go to sleep anymore on her own, so I would rock her to sleep and then put her down every night. (My mistake, I know...but it's not the worst one out there) I guess I just melted every time and so I continued to do this. Who doesn't want to hold a sleeping baby, especially when the baby is their own!?!? But tonight, I was ready...ready to get her back to going to sleep on her own. I put her down and she was already asleep from taking her bottle. Of course, she woke up crying. 8pm...reposition, gave paci, said I love you...left the room. 8:10pm...same thing. 8:20pm...same thing. 8:30pm...same thing. 8:33pm...silence. 8:40pm...checked in and she was sleeping!!! Hopefully, there will only be a few short nights of this! Here's hoping! (it's now 9:39pm...she's still sleeping and has been sleeping since she fell asleep!!!)
Tonight was bath night. The duck goes in the tub. Liliana goes in the duck that's in the tub. And bath time goes smoothly, especially now that she can sit up on her own. It's actually a much easier time for me! Tonight however, held a new scenario.
I take her out of the bath and wrap her in her towel. I then try to empty the duck tub with one hand while still kneeling/sitting on the floor. As I have the duck almost straight up and down, I can't quite get the last bit of water out. I thought it was because the water was too heavy in the bottom little section and so the tub was just bending but not tilting enough to get the water out. So I work quite hard to get this emptied. (Why I couldn't just come back to it later when I had both hands, I don't know) Anyway, in a split second I'm drenched with water. I failed to remember that the tub has a suction cup so when you are done, you can hang it to dry and for storage. That same handy little suction cup, of course, got suction cupped to the bottom of the tub. And as I tried and tried to empty the water and dumb the tub over - the suction let loose and the water ended up on me!!!
Next on the agenda...letting her cry it out! You see, Liliana has slept through the night since about 8 weeks, and went to bed without problems! THEN, she started to roll. Her legs would get all twisted in the bars and she would get all worked up and I would hold her and rock her back to sleep. Then she wouldn't go to sleep anymore on her own, so I would rock her to sleep and then put her down every night. (My mistake, I know...but it's not the worst one out there) I guess I just melted every time and so I continued to do this. Who doesn't want to hold a sleeping baby, especially when the baby is their own!?!? But tonight, I was ready...ready to get her back to going to sleep on her own. I put her down and she was already asleep from taking her bottle. Of course, she woke up crying. 8pm...reposition, gave paci, said I love you...left the room. 8:10pm...same thing. 8:20pm...same thing. 8:30pm...same thing. 8:33pm...silence. 8:40pm...checked in and she was sleeping!!! Hopefully, there will only be a few short nights of this! Here's hoping! (it's now 9:39pm...she's still sleeping and has been sleeping since she fell asleep!!!)
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
My 2 good laughs for the day:
So this morning, I woke up around 7:21am...which is when my first alarm went off. I proceeded to stay in bed and check my e mail and facebook via my phone. Then I hear Liliana start to stir. I am pretty determined to get out of the house by 9am instead of the usual 9:30 to go to Super Target before dropping Lili off and going to work...however I was still waking up at the same time, go figure. I grab a bowl of cereal and am eating it in front of the computer while I putz around. I hear Liliana here and there and figure she'll fall back asleep as she does so often. I was actually hoping she would so I could jump in the shower. (Not like she ever has an issue waiting for me anyway) So then there is silence. She's not in the stage where silence means she got into something she wasn't suppose to - so I assumed she was asleep. I am done with my cereal and slowly peek my head into her room fully ready to see her sleeping - instead, I just got a good laugh because she was contently playing in her crib. She was at the other end of the crib and laying sideways in the crib....head touching one set of bars and feet almost sticking out of the other side. It gave me a good laugh.
Side note: I did get a shower, of course. I just put her in the bouncer chair and she patiently waited for me. We did get to Super Target before we were to be at my sister's at 10, in fact...we were early! And I got everything I went there for!
The second laugh: My boss called me by the wrong name and didn't even realize it. I just laughed all day whenever I thought about it - and then called her Betty the rest of the day. Although I was referring to Betty Boop, she later told me she just thought of Betty Rubble whenever I called her Betty.
The Boop or the Rubble...funny either way to me!
Side note: I did get a shower, of course. I just put her in the bouncer chair and she patiently waited for me. We did get to Super Target before we were to be at my sister's at 10, in fact...we were early! And I got everything I went there for!
The second laugh: My boss called me by the wrong name and didn't even realize it. I just laughed all day whenever I thought about it - and then called her Betty the rest of the day. Although I was referring to Betty Boop, she later told me she just thought of Betty Rubble whenever I called her Betty.
The Boop or the Rubble...funny either way to me!
Sunday, March 22, 2009
7 Months
I don't think 7 months of my pregnancy went this fast - and yet here we are...Liliana is 7 months old today. WOW. She is cutting her second tooth, you can see the little slit where it's going to come up. AND, just today - she can sit up on her own, once put there of course!!! Way to go Liliana! She eats like a trooper! Sometimes her mouth is open before I even have the spoon full of food for the next bite. She is such a good, content, and happy baby. We've been so blessed.
My sister and I talk mostly every day and she tells me what her kids say and do and it makes me think ahead to what Liliana will be like when she's older. What cute things will she come up with to say and do??? Will she take after Evan or me? What plans does the Lord have for her? Then sometimes I stop and remember...I get her for all those moments. I feel like with having had a miscarriage - I'm waiting for the day I wake up, and she's not there. It was almost like I miscarried and that was all I knew of pregnancy. A life grows for a while inside me, and then dies. I almost had that thought, image of pregnancy so deep in my head that I forgot that when I got pregnant again, it's outcome could be very different. I know life is fleeting and she is the Lord's and whatever He has in store for her - however long she is on this earth, is in His hands...but until that day comes, hopefully much past the day I die - she's mine to watch grow. She's mine to look at every day. She's my daughter. I'm so use to having nieces and a nephew that go home, that I don't see everyday. Sometimes I have to stop and really have to remember that when Liliana goes home, she's coming with me! And these simple moments of her reaching her milestones amaze me at the splendor of the Lord's creation, how smart these little ones really are and how much they learn in the first year of their life.
...For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
--- Jeremiah 29:11
My sister and I talk mostly every day and she tells me what her kids say and do and it makes me think ahead to what Liliana will be like when she's older. What cute things will she come up with to say and do??? Will she take after Evan or me? What plans does the Lord have for her? Then sometimes I stop and remember...I get her for all those moments. I feel like with having had a miscarriage - I'm waiting for the day I wake up, and she's not there. It was almost like I miscarried and that was all I knew of pregnancy. A life grows for a while inside me, and then dies. I almost had that thought, image of pregnancy so deep in my head that I forgot that when I got pregnant again, it's outcome could be very different. I know life is fleeting and she is the Lord's and whatever He has in store for her - however long she is on this earth, is in His hands...but until that day comes, hopefully much past the day I die - she's mine to watch grow. She's mine to look at every day. She's my daughter. I'm so use to having nieces and a nephew that go home, that I don't see everyday. Sometimes I have to stop and really have to remember that when Liliana goes home, she's coming with me! And these simple moments of her reaching her milestones amaze me at the splendor of the Lord's creation, how smart these little ones really are and how much they learn in the first year of their life.
...For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
--- Jeremiah 29:11
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Take time in this fast food world...
There is a song by Darius Rucker called It Won't Be Like This for Long, and it's an excellent reminder to each of us to slow down. Chances are, that in the last 30 minutes you have thought about everything you have to do this week, or least what you have to do in the next few hours. Sometimes we have so much to do, that we rush through what is important and what is going on right that second. Leave the mentality that we live in a fast food world behind. Not everything needs to be done in 30 seconds.
I went to a friend's wedding ceremony today and it made me think back to the day Evan and I got married. All the planning, details, and preparation for one day. That day came, and went. Seems it went faster than it came. I knew that was going to happen, so I made sure to relish each minute of that day because I knew I could never it get it back. At the start of that day, I needed to be reminded that it won't be like this for long.
9 months, actually 10. 10 months of carrying Liliana and her growing inside of me. The anticipation of her being born, was it a boy or girl, what would she look like, how would labor go...labor might have been long, but looking back - it was another day that went by so quickly...leaving me with memories that will last my whole life.
Those types of days not only leave me with memories that last a lifetime, but also impact my entire life. I don't have to worry about asking if I rushed the day, or if I was too busy thinking about everything else going on. I was able to stop and enjoy those days.
My sister gave me this framed saying after Liliana was born that mom had given to her...Babies don't keep....basically saying that all the things like housework and such can wait because babies don't keep, everything else will still be there. Everyone always says, "they grow up so fast!" I guess the song says the same thing - it won't be like this for long. So be sure to take time to enjoy each minute you have because it all goes by so quickly.
On the flip side, remember that even the hard times will pass quickly too. Those may seem longer in the moment, but overall - it will also pass. And chances are, something can be learned or gained from those times. Many times in the Bible it talks about how the Lord will refine us. Think of a goldsmith - he puts that unshaped piece of metal in a HOT BLAZING furnace, takes it out, shapes it...shapes it just perfectly. Sometimes he needs to put it back and heat it up again to make it soft so he can mold it into a perfect piece...the goldsmith's vision. And what he makes, there is intended purpose. So as the Lord refines us, it is to teach us and mold us and shape us into men and women who will glorify Him. (Psalm 66:10; Isaiah 48:10; Jeremiah 9:7; Zechariah 13:9; Daniel 11:35; Daniel 12:10; Malachi 3:2-3)
So take time to live - not worry about the next thing on the list, because that list will never end, it will only grow longer. It's an easy list to fill. But it is impossible to get little moments that mean so much back.
Remember the simple things :)
I went to a friend's wedding ceremony today and it made me think back to the day Evan and I got married. All the planning, details, and preparation for one day. That day came, and went. Seems it went faster than it came. I knew that was going to happen, so I made sure to relish each minute of that day because I knew I could never it get it back. At the start of that day, I needed to be reminded that it won't be like this for long.
9 months, actually 10. 10 months of carrying Liliana and her growing inside of me. The anticipation of her being born, was it a boy or girl, what would she look like, how would labor go...labor might have been long, but looking back - it was another day that went by so quickly...leaving me with memories that will last my whole life.
Those types of days not only leave me with memories that last a lifetime, but also impact my entire life. I don't have to worry about asking if I rushed the day, or if I was too busy thinking about everything else going on. I was able to stop and enjoy those days.
My sister gave me this framed saying after Liliana was born that mom had given to her...Babies don't keep....basically saying that all the things like housework and such can wait because babies don't keep, everything else will still be there. Everyone always says, "they grow up so fast!" I guess the song says the same thing - it won't be like this for long. So be sure to take time to enjoy each minute you have because it all goes by so quickly.
On the flip side, remember that even the hard times will pass quickly too. Those may seem longer in the moment, but overall - it will also pass. And chances are, something can be learned or gained from those times. Many times in the Bible it talks about how the Lord will refine us. Think of a goldsmith - he puts that unshaped piece of metal in a HOT BLAZING furnace, takes it out, shapes it...shapes it just perfectly. Sometimes he needs to put it back and heat it up again to make it soft so he can mold it into a perfect piece...the goldsmith's vision. And what he makes, there is intended purpose. So as the Lord refines us, it is to teach us and mold us and shape us into men and women who will glorify Him. (Psalm 66:10; Isaiah 48:10; Jeremiah 9:7; Zechariah 13:9; Daniel 11:35; Daniel 12:10; Malachi 3:2-3)
So take time to live - not worry about the next thing on the list, because that list will never end, it will only grow longer. It's an easy list to fill. But it is impossible to get little moments that mean so much back.
Remember the simple things :)
Friday, March 20, 2009
My First Blog - again
So, I've done this whole blogging thing before (so long, I don't even remember my login) - it lasts for a few days, maybe even a few months...and then it seems to go by the wayside. Why wouldn't it? To many things on the the "to-do" list:
1. Take care of Liliana - however that's not really a "to-do" but can sure take up my time, keeping away from blogging...and I won't complain about that.
2. Working. I don't even have much else to say about this. I am thankful for a job in these troubled times, but can't wait to say "Here is my 2 week notice, I'm going to take care of my baby!" (Sorry Sandy, you're a great boss.....but...)
3. Fill out that baby book!!!
4. Oh, and the scrapbook. Speaking of which, I'm a few months behind. Good thing I just do it online, however it can still consume me for hours!
5. Facebook. Let's be honest, once you start - you get hooked and you could spend many, many hours on there! Until they change the layout.
6. The dog - wait, not relevant - Fizzle is Evan's department!
I could go on and on - but I will spare you. I will just leave with this: there always seems to be something going on, hence something to blog about. There always seems to be something goofy going on in our house, which you'll hear about. Somethings funny, somethings sad, somethings indifferent - but either way, I'm glad you're a part of my life and I can't wait to share my experiences with you!
Here is a parting video of what Evan likes to do with Liliana when she's crying while I'm changing her for bed...
1. Take care of Liliana - however that's not really a "to-do" but can sure take up my time, keeping away from blogging...and I won't complain about that.
2. Working. I don't even have much else to say about this. I am thankful for a job in these troubled times, but can't wait to say "Here is my 2 week notice, I'm going to take care of my baby!" (Sorry Sandy, you're a great boss.....but...)
3. Fill out that baby book!!!
4. Oh, and the scrapbook. Speaking of which, I'm a few months behind. Good thing I just do it online, however it can still consume me for hours!
5. Facebook. Let's be honest, once you start - you get hooked and you could spend many, many hours on there! Until they change the layout.
6. The dog - wait, not relevant - Fizzle is Evan's department!
I could go on and on - but I will spare you. I will just leave with this: there always seems to be something going on, hence something to blog about. There always seems to be something goofy going on in our house, which you'll hear about. Somethings funny, somethings sad, somethings indifferent - but either way, I'm glad you're a part of my life and I can't wait to share my experiences with you!
Here is a parting video of what Evan likes to do with Liliana when she's crying while I'm changing her for bed...
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