Hidden Blessings

3 years ago today I was having surgery. No surgery is fun. This surgery was one I never thought I would have. I was having a D&C because I miscarried my first pregnancy - Elijah Gabriel. I can't believe it's been three years. We chose that name because of the meanings: Elijah means the Lord is God and Gabriel means God is my strength.


The Lord is God: He is sovereign. He knows what is best. We found comfort in knowing that.
God is my strength: We would need His strength to get through loosing a child that we were never able to hold, or ever would be able to hold here on earth.

So, maybe you are asking where the blessing is in loosing Elijah? There are so many - and probably more that we don't even know about or can't even see, or maybe only time will tell. I just think about the path the Lord takes us down and we see Him working through that situation, sometimes even 3 years down the road. I looked at Liliana today and thought - 3 years ago we were only thinking about our loss. Today, I am holding our beautiful, perfect little girl. My daughter. Lately, I've been thinking about if we would have had Elijah, would we have had Liliana? Yes, we probably would have had more children...but would it be Liliana? Would it have been this time in our lives? Would SHE be who SHE is at THIS time, if Elijah were here? I believe the biggest blessing of loosing Elijah, is having Liliana.

I'm not making light of loosing a child. I'm not saying I would rather have Liliana over Elijah - but since I can't have Elijah, for whatever reason the Lord had in taking him Home, the Lord blessed us with Liliana.

What blessings are we not seeing day to day because we are too focused on what else is going on? Just a few weeks ago my sister's family was passing around the flu and strep throat - which meant no babysitter for Liliana...in turn - Evan or I had to stay home to watch her. Evan and I took turns calling off work to take care of her. The second week, I took off 3 days - 2 of the days were Thursday and Friday so I had a four day weekend to spend with her. I don't wish my sister's family to be sick...but the blessings of being able to stay home with Liliana during that time was wonderful! I could have missed that blessing of time to spend with her if, I had been focusing on having to call into work and potentially getting in trouble, or I could have been mad that we had no one to watch her (of course I'm not mad at my sister or her family, I felt bad they were so sick) But I chose to focus on what was right in front of me.

The Lord wants to bless us and continually does - I just think we get to caught up in the world to see the blessings.

There is a song that was played for me a while after I miscarried and it really healed a layer of my heart:
It's called Glory Baby and it's by Watermark...if you scroll to the bottom of my blog - there is a section with music, if you want to hear this song - it's on that playlist!